


so we compromise

by orphan_account



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical themes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone’s an idiot but more understanding, Family, M/M, Major au elements, Mpreg, No ONS and what entails bullshit, One Shot, Pregnant Robert Sugden, Protective Roblivion, the prison Robron baby au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23377735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Aaron recognises it’s Robert’s by the way he loops each word big and bold, like Robert himself – entrancing. There’s a scribbled-out sentence and underneath it’s reborn and crammed in. Aaron can’t tear his eyes away from the sentence:Aaron, we’ve done the impossible.or, Liv wants to fix things between her brothers. it just takes a bit to get there when there’s lies, prison and a pregnancy thrown in the mix.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle & Liv Flaherty & Robert Sugden, Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 16
Kudos: 79





	so we compromise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shadowstake_us82](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowstake_us82/gifts).



> contains: out of practiced writing; small usages of pet names; a loose understanding of how prison and the judicial system works. references to low self-worth; rape; self-harm; death; Aaron’s abuse (all non-graphic); male pregnancy (Robert); major au elements and changes to canon with a skewered timeline. not for Vic fans.
> 
> for the lovely Tara, who without i wouldn’t have wrote this.

_Fourteen years._

_Robert had gotten fourteen years and then he was moved to the bloody Isle of Wight._

_It stings that Robert’s version of being selfless becomes the most selfish thing he’s ever done to Aaron._

There’s this darkness burrowed in him now, pushing him down. Making his stomach feel constantly sickly. Robert hasn’t seen Aaron in _months_.

Yeah, it was all down to him and his choices, it still doesn’t mean he has to like it. How could he? Robert _wants_ him, it’s this keening ache that he can’t run from. But he can’t undo all the hurt, not now that he’s pushed Aaron away.

(Robert’s an idiot.)

It’s worth it though, if Aaron was happy. Robert could shoulder all the guilt if it meant Aaron could stay afloat without him.

 _Smile_ without him, the way he used to just for him: small and bashful. Robert knew, back then, it meant he finally had somewhere that he belonged – when Aaron beamed at him and the world sparkled alight for one perfect moment.

Now, everything feels fucking horrible.

They were soulmates, Aaron was _his_. And –

he lost him.

Oh God, Robert missed him and Liv.

Even the times where they would slurp at the dinner table or jab an elbow in his side to keep him in line around the Dingles. Robert missed it all. He couldn’t let them see him like this, hardened by prison. On the other side, Robert had struggled when it was Aaron who was inside, when _his_ husband was changing, turning sour and unrecognisable. And that was only for a couple weeks. Doing the same for fourteen years to Aaron would kill him slowly.

Robert knows both Aaron and Liv deserved a world that was sunny and golden, Robert wasn’t someone who could be a part of a place like that, he was stuck in _prison_. A place that was black and lonely.

The village used to have its own scent and he can’t remember it quite right, overpowered by the way prison smelt _wrong_ – all rotting and chemically, prison needed harsh cleaning products he supposed. Robert took the village for granted, thought it would always be carved in the etching of his palms. He was wrong.

Now, Robert can feel his hands shaking and he purposefully hits his head back against the grey wall, hissing quietly at the impact – it doesn’t stop his face from crumbling.

It’s okay, Robert’s okay, he has to be.

-

Aaron loathed passing out on the sofa – his new bed – after getting smashed. Since losing Robert his dreams have become oddly focused on the missing blonde.

In other words, his nightmares had reclaimed him and in an otherworldly fashion this time.

The night before he had gotten so drunk, he could see stars and right before it all went dim, he had pulled up a picture of him and Robert in their wedding suits on his phone. Aaron just wanted to be with him again you see.

Then there he was – dreaming he was a wolf-like compound; angry with sour teeth and silvery claws that set him apart from the rest of the village. And everyone was afraid of Aaron except for him. _Robert_. Aaron knew even in sleep his heart was crying out for the man, a man that wasn’t his anymore.

Aaron couldn’t move on. He never could – that’s why he didn’t sign those stupid papers and ripped it to shreds like he never saw it. They were supposed to have a family by now. It seemed everyone else was getting his and Robert’s dream of a baby and new life. After everything how was that fair?

Victoria with _her rapist’s_ _brother_ Luke, giggling together while pushing a pram around the village in circles, as if _Lee Posner_ never existed, _like Robert never existed._

His mum and Paddy who looked at him with pity – again he was that same tormented teenager from years ago, their eyes telling him to get over himself, _like Robert never existed._

Even flipping David, who at the shop looked wearily at him when he bought a full bottle of whisky at midday, then rushed off after the baby monitor whined on the counter, _like Robert never existed._

It was hell.

All because Robert had to be fucking selfless for once and throw away everything and Aaron hated him. Hated everything about him and his inept fucking lies.

Huh. Now he’s the one _lying_. See, Aaron loves him – wants to curl around him like a worn blanket and never let go. (That’s always been his stupid problem.)

And it hurt. Knowing that during all the insanity in the end, his love wasn’t enough. Wasn’t enough to help Robert know his self-worth. If Aaron had a second chance, he would make sure Robert knew he was worth everything, because he _was_ and there was no life for Aaron without Robert.

_Aaron’s back in that dream world of his and it feels like being ignited and burnt-out at the same time. If Aaron pushes aside the love he feels when he sees Robert again, he’d hate dreaming this vividly, he thinks._

_The sky is blue but unlike any he’d ever seen before – synthetic. The blue you’d find in a computer screen._

_“Will you just come home with me, please?” his dreamlike Robert said with his hair as long as it had been the first time Aaron had laid eyes on him._

_“I’ll hurt you.” Aaron replied, his claws scratching at his palm in order to stop him from bridging the gap between them that had suddenly appeared._

_Robert huffs at him like he thinks Aaron’s an idiot or something, then he melts. “You wouldn’t. Don’t worry I can wait; I promise.”_

They’d stopped the fertility treatments after Victoria had announced that she was expecting. Robert hadn’t wanted to, but Aaron convinced him it was for the best. Too used to putting others before himself as always.

Because he thought Vic had needed them, she had needed them – until she _didn’t_.

His husband didn’t show it, but Aaron knows he blames himself for _that_ _night_ and for getting shot.

There was some major complication during his surgery – the one that saved his life – when everyone thought _Aaron_ was the one who wanted _Robert_ dead. The bullet near his abdomen was what they were working on until he had bled somewhere _else_.

Robert’s doctors, full of sad eyes and lousy apologises, told him – after waking up from a _coma_ – his chances to conceive his own child was minimal at best.

It was almost a relief then; the thing that made his father prefer _golden-boy_ Andy Sugden over him was now gone. He could move on without anything to mourn about, Robert thought. 

(Here’s a truth: Robert’s great at lying to himself.)

Robert had only confessed it to Aaron after they’d gotten back together, folded on Aaron’s side of the bed at the pub. His eyes wide and wounded as he spoke softly – telling Aaron it was karma (for _Katie_ and _Max_ ) and that it was for the best, he wasn’t _father material_. He was made of ruins and firestorms that scalded everything.

It was late in the day then, the air between them heavy and pained.

Still, Aaron tucked him under his chin and clung on so tight to him it left bruises. As if he could mend all of Robert’s flaws if he held on just long enough and maybe Robert might believe in hope again. Robert didn’t then, not when he still felt like an outsider. _Unsalvageable_.

Jack Sugden, with his stern face and lofty belt had made sure of that – telling Robert that he _ruined_ _everything_ _he touched_. People say lovely things about him – ‘don’t speak ill of the dead’ and all that, but he was a bastard really.

(Pity he was already dead, Aaron would’ve liked a crack at him.)

Two years later Aaron had brought up adoption. Robert being _Robert_ refused.

_“We could adopt y’know like Paddy with me, just legally.” Aaron asked tentatively, scanning Robert’s face for any discomfort, Robert had just told him he was ready for a family and it was all he could think about, but Robert came first._

_Robert shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong with that but why? Me and you could have a baby of our own. No, I **want** us to have a baby of our own. One with your eyes and my brains. If it’s not impossible then we should go for it. It’s going to be hard because of me… but I can get the money for the treatments I told you about. If you still want this too.”_

_Aaron’s eyes shone and hope swarmed in his chest, a hive of hyperactive bees, yellow and buzzing within. It was only a small chance, but he yearned for it also. “Of course, that’s what I want, let’s do it. Let’s make a baby Sugden Dingle.”_

A year later, Aaron started envisioning them in Paris, with a garden _and_ nursery. They’d lost that too.

Being on the run is like you were in a different universe.

Aaron fucks Robert in that foreign room. The one owned by the woman with a dying mother. Aaron thought Robert would be as loud as usual. But Robert wasn’t. He was too quiet, and the room writhed with electricity tinged with, _this could be the last time, hold on tight_. 

See, Aaron thought a lot of things about Robert that were wrong and sometimes it makes him feel _off_.

It’s better. If instead Aaron thinks about how their limbs fumbled on that bed and how he tightened his fingers around Robert’s neck and Robert moaned in that way of his, the one that meant Aaron was all he could think about, sparking shivers down his spine.

In that room, Aaron and Robert were in their own bubble and no one could pop it.

-

It’s early. Too early for any sane person that was her age. Liv grimaces at the state of the living room, she thought about shaking Aaron awake, except he stinks of stale booze and – she doesn’t want to fall into a chasm of old vices.

Aaron looks so shattered. Like he would break at one touch, he’s worse than she’s ever seen him before (and that says a lot.)

Here’s the thing, Liv misses Robert.

Like _loads_.

Robert was the closest thing she had to a dad, not a soft touch like Aaron but stern, and _soothing_. He treated her like how a stray cat would take in the runt of the litter, protective but half-annoyed in having to do it in the first place, or close.

After knowing him for as long as she has – ~~not enough~~ – Liv knows Robert’s a disaster.

And when he pleaded guilty, that he was keeping a secret from them.

She didn’t believe a couple hours of distance would’ve stopped her brother and Robert’s marriage on its own. Aaron would have moved them to be as close to Robert as possible if Robert had allowed it.

See, wherever Robert was Aaron would be orbiting around him. 

Not anymore, she tells herself. Not now that Robert severed them off like dead weight. She just wasn’t sure if he thought they were the dead weight. Or if _he_ was.

Aaron hadn’t taken that well, the scrapyard going up in flames was proof of that. So yeah, she doesn’t wake him up – just chooses to just linger there, quiet, akin to a lost ghost. There’s a real note in her hands though.

Aaron moans in his sleep and shuffles further into the sofa and suddenly Liv remembers why she came down in the first place. When it came to Aaron, and his happiness, she was just as impulsive as Robert in making decisions.

During the night before, when her eyes had started to ache from staring at her phone screen all day, that’s when she had had enough. The next thing she knew, she had memorised visiting times and booked a ticket for a ferry to the Isle of Wight and there was a ball mixed of anxiety and adrenaline in her chest.

She was never good with words; she’d rather sketch them out if she could. All her note says is that she was staying at Gabby’s for the day and not to wait up. (And that he should go see Chas to get out of the house.)

Liv had to hope he wouldn’t check up on her, convincing herself that Aaron was too preoccupied with trying to survive with a stamped-on heart to find out she was lying.

Without Robert their family had become lopsided, missing its centrepiece. It was making Aaron ill, so ill and rageful. Liv was going to fix that; she was going to piece their family back together.

Liv swallows tightly, committing to memory the sight of her fractured brother. She straps on her backpack and moves silently.

Then she’s off – through the door – on her own.

-

The ferry trip goes well. Oddly pleasant enough after the last few months. With lots of space to think after she turns off her phone. There was a girl with blonde curly hair who reminded her of Gabby with her bold red lipstick and it made her smile goofily before she realised that she was being a weirdo, smiling so brightly for no visible reason. Regardless, it gives her the extra courage she needs.

Up until the point she arrives outside the prison, the sky above an unhappy murky dull grey. Conflicted.

The building was cold and dismal, like the one Aaron was in – a little bigger and more run-down, _angrier_ , she thinks. Robert was a twat most of the time, but he didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to be in a place like this.

Robert should’ve been at home with them, under a hoard of blankets watching _Rocky_ with them for the millionth time.

A surge of nerves bubbled up. Liv pushes herself inside before she changes her mind. _For her family_ , she reminds herself.

Her first thought when she steps in is that: _It’s freezing_.

The whole place is awful actually. There’s a guard behind the desk with amber eyes and a large coffee stain on his tie. The man sighs, clearly very bored as he squints at the computer in front of him, blue light reflecting on half his face in the dim atmosphere. Liv watches as he pulls away from the screen and eyes her up unimpressed. Liv steps up to the desk and he towers over her. She tugs at the sleeve of her green bomber and smooths down her worn jeans.

“Name of the prisoner please.” the guard drawls routinely.

“Er, Robert. Robert Sugden dingle.”

There’s no light of recognition in the man’s face, it makes sense because there must have been thousands of prisoners here, although it makes something in her squirm. A man as magnetic as Robert should’ve been running the place – not behind its bars.

The older man taps at the keyboard with only his left hand, making the process go painfully slower. “You family?” he asks.

“Yeah, he’s my brother-in-law.” Liv says simply, doesn’t want to elaborate. It’s complicated, but not really.

He nods uninterested and his eyes darken as he reads the screen and if even possible, his face looks even more bored. “Sorry all visiting requests have been denied. Mr Sugden Dingle doesn’t want to see anyone.”

“I know but can’t you do something please, I really need to see him.”

The guard shakes his head and Liv’s heart sinks. “No, I’m sorry –”

Something snaps and Liv physically growls, actually growls like an untethered guard dog. “You don’t understand!” she insists mulishly, a mist of rage taking over and her mouth starts running before she can think coherently, “Robert hasn’t seen anyone in months, _I_ haven’t seen him in months. D’you know how shit it’s been. To see your own family fall apart, all because of a righted wrong! He didn’t even mean to kill Lee, who was a _monster_ by the way. Robert should be rewarded – not… not left here. Alone. I need to see him, _today_.” she stresses. _Robert always hated being alone,_ Liv thinks shakily.

The man gapes at her, the same way a dead fish on a hook does. He quickly hardens his face and picks up his radio. Liv gulps at the idea of being kicked out. If this was her only chance and she screwed it up, then she wouldn’t forgive herself.

“Right I need someone to find and tell prisoner K-J-zero-two-six-nine that I have a –”

“Liv Flaherty.”

“A _Liv Flaherty_ here to see him and tell him that it is urgent.”

There’s static and a choppy agreement before the guard sharply turns his gaze back to her, tucking the radio back into his pocket and he shrugs marginally. “All I can do kid. Up to him now.”

“Thank you.” she whispers.

Liv lets her mind fall quiet for a moment. She’s weary, Liv recognises; from the trip, from the way everything has gone to hell and how rapidly she wants it all to end.

Lee had been the detonator to an already existing tension lingering underneath the skin of their family ever since Aaron had returned from Prison.

(See, it took Robert a long time to accept he loved Aaron, proving it time after time – but, it took longer for Aaron to love himself enough to believe it.)

This is how it went: Aaron started doing drugs. Liv found out and didn’t go to see her mum in Dublin instead she tells Robert. Robert who shrieked at Aaron about his appeal like it was the end of the world. Aaron had lashed out at them both and Robert had held Liv’s hand when she trembled at his harsh words and Robert’s heart was splintered shards on that visiting room floor. Aaron had returned to them and things were brilliant for a small time. Then _Lee_ happens.

The bastard who blew everything up and ripped them apart again.

(Start with the weakest link, right?)

A stiff guard opens the barred door and she’s allowed in.

All her worries seemingly become inconsequential when she spots _him_. There’s a yellow light above him on the blink when she peers closer into the room. All in all, it seems okay.

Robert stands up immediately at the sight of her. Liv’s too busy taking in how _terrible_ he looks to hear his worried babbling. He has bags underneath his eyes that look like bruises against his porcelain skin, his cheekbones are sallower and more prominent, he looks _ill_ and wary. Swallowed up – the light within him extinguished long ago, Liv thinks sadly.

It’s terrifying and her eyes well up. She’s too young for all this fucking shit.

Robert picks up on it. “Liv what’s wrong? Has something happened? Is it Aaron?” He motions for her to sit down at the chipped wooden table and for once she listens to him without any snarky remark. Back in the day she would’ve batted at his foot and taken his slice of toast. Way before the beginning of the end.

She raises a brow before gesturing up and down his frame with her paint stained hand.

Robert sighs loudly and tangles his fingers through his longer, un-gelled hair. “Listen Liv I didn’t mean to hurt you or Aaron. This is just how things have to be now. It’s for the best.”

“How?” she bellows, causing a few people around them to cast a glance. “We needed you these last past months. We _still_ need you and you’re not with us.”

“Liv… You shouldn’t be here, where’s Chas or – Aaron?” Robert deflects. He knows that she knows he wouldn’t have agreed to see all three of them. It would’ve been too much, she reckons. Robert’s more breakable now even if he’s still two steps in front of them and he knows when to swerve an ambush.

“No one knows I’m here.”

“Liv!” Robert breathes, voice heavy and full of worry and parental concern. She grins wetly at that and it must look strange because Robert frowns at her.

“I’ve missed you being all proper parental.”

At that, Robert’s face softens like the sun’s just burst through the room and melted all his icy edges and his crooked grin mirrors hers. Smaller than she last recalls but there.

Reality crashes back onto her shoulders and she can’t help blurting out how she feels. “Don’t ya care about us?” the words snap into two once they leave her lips. Feeling how she used to when she was fourteen and her mother was floating away bit by bit. When she was just a pathetic, troubled teen and the flaws of her mother started to seep into her, like the lines in Sandra’s forehead during the trial. Then she met two soulmates on a bench. 

Liv thought he would be glaring furiously at her accusation; she didn’t mean it really, not deep down. However, Robert’s shrewd eyes just look sad, so sad like he hates himself for letting her down – that he already saw this outcome.

Her chest clenches, Robert’s eyes just make everything feel so real. That he’s _real_. Not that Liv imagined him to be some hardened criminal by now. Just – Robert still cares and isn’t secretly glad he’s away from the brooding storm he left behind, he’s just the same old bloke who likes his tea with a mountain of sugar.

“I do care, I care about you and your brother so much. You’re my family. Doesn’t mean that it would have been fair for you two to just upend your lives for me after what I’ve done.” he says, face weathered, contrasting his strong words, his body wants to admit it’s carrying a burden but Robert’s mind _can’t_.

“We wanted to.” she says.

“I know.” Robert says too, with this pitying fondness. Even though for a second, Liv knows he believed in that shining life on the run too. 

“Tell me, how’s Aaron?” Robert can’t help but ask.

Liv chews at her lower lip, pausing. “He’s… He’s coping.”

“What does that mean?” Robert says frowning.

“He’s a mess Rob, he’s useless without ya, like half a person or summat.” It all comes tumbling out of her mouth, “He won’t leave the house and he snaps at everyone and then there’s all the drinkin’ and he binned all ya stuff, except for your leather jacket so don’t worry about that.” she cuts herself off with a humourless laugh, “Plus, he’s not even workin’ now that scrapyard’s gone.”

“Gone? What, he sold it?”

Liv winces. “Not exactly… Aaron kinda set it alight after he got _that_ letter from your solicitor.” Liv grimaces, casting her gaze downwards and a jagged line into the wood, she trails it over with the pad of her finger, “I don’t know how to help him Robert, he’d only listen to you and well…”

“I’m in here.” Robert finishes.

He says it so calmly it shakes something enraged in her, it bursts out like a shaken can of fizz. “Why aren’t you pissed? I screwed everything up – you expected me to look after him and I failed!”

Robert scowls bitterly. “If anything, I was expecting Chas and Paddy to sort ‘im out if… If he missed me.” he mutters, “So, no you didn’t fail. It’s not your job to look after your brother. It’s his job to look after you.” Robert tells her, kindly.

“And yours.” Liv adds quietly. “Because that’s why you’re doin’ this in the first place. To protect Aaron too.” The realisation crosses over her slowly and she bites down on her the tip of her tongue to not whimper.

There’s not much time left; she can feel it slipping from them. There are mothers kissing their sons head goodbye, partners warm hands untangling with a promise of return – and Liv still hasn’t done what she came her to do.

Panic breaks out on her face and it makes her shudder all loud and brokenly.

Robert’s face drops. “Oh sweetheart, don’t get upset.”

“Then say you’ll let us see ya. At least Aaron, he needs you. Please.”

“I – I don’t want him to see me like this. He deserves better than being stuck in here with me.” he admits softly, eyes darting around the room, purposefully avoiding hers and Liv knows he’s bowing to the idea.

She wraps her hands around his maroon covered wrists. A slight nudge. “Rob, he loves you. Aaron’s goin’ mad, just see him one more time. For yourself just as much as him.” a buzzer signifies that they have to say goodbye. It seems so final and she doesn’t want to go and leave Robert in this hellhole. “You have to promise.” she says panicked.

Robert pries her hands off his wrists gently and offers an auspicious pinkie finger and Liv crosses her smaller one around it as he shakes their hands. “I promise.”

-

Okay, turning her phone on just after getting on the train to _Hotten_ to get to _Emmerdale_ was probably a stupid idea – Liv senses – when her phone lights up with dozens of notifications and her heart spikes up. Liv doesn’t want the idea of any new disaster to pick at her but – y’know it picks at her.

**Scruffy** : _[Eleven missed calls. Ten unread messages.]_

**Chas** _: [Two missed calls. Three unread messages.]_

**Gabs** _: [One snapchat message. Five unread messages.]_

Liv chooses to look through Gabby’s first, she’ll be the lesser of three evils Liv reckons.

**Gabs: [10:08pm]** _D’you need me to come with ya tomorrow. If you’re serious._

**Gabs: [11:52am]** _Guess you were. Need me to cover with Aaron today? X_

**Gabs: [11:55am]** _I think you’re really brave for this. I almost wish I was with ya but going to a grotty prison on a Monday morning isn’t my first choice of a catch up. Guess you ain’t got any data to chat right now. X_

**Gabs: [4:19pm]** _Aaron stormed into the pub just now, he looked really pissed. I’d stay well clear._

**Gabs: [11:00pm]** _Text me back asap. X_

The snapchat she received from hours ago is just a clip of one of Marlon’s new burger creations and a crudely drawn heart. At the _Woolpack_. Where she told Aaron to go. Shit. Sometimes she wishes she was more like Robert. Cunning.

Already cringing she swipes to Aaron’s contact, the train jerks erratically bumping the phone in her grip and she clings onto it harder, not wanting to disturb the sparse amount of people around her with the noise of it crashing to the floor. She needs to see Aaron’s wrath – before it became insidious.

**Scruffy: [10:23am]** _Sorry for last night. I’m heading to the café, you want owt? Or I could go to David’s and get you some of that dark chocolate you like so much._

**Scruffy: [10:42am]** _Liv, just found your note. Why didn’t you just tell me in person?_

**Scruffy: [10:46am]** _It would be nice if you texted me back for once, suppose you and Gabby are up to trouble as per._

**_Scruffy: [Missed call]_ **

**Scruffy: [11.03am]** _Sis, can you call or text me back._

**_Scruffy: [Missed call]_ **

**Scruffy: [2:23pm]** _Oliva._

**_Scruffy: [Missed call]_ **

**Scruffy:** **[2:41pm]** _I know it annoys you when I text you loads but we had a deal that you’d pick up after the third call._

 **Scruffy:** **[3:00pm]** _You would’ve checked in by now. Don’t tell me you’ve done summat mad._

**Scruffy: [3:01pm]** _This ain’t funny anymore. I’m worried._

**_Scruffy: [Missed call]_ **

**Scruffy: [3:32pm]** _Right I’ll go find you and Gabby myself shall I._

**Scruffy: [4:29pm]** _Get home now. Saw Gabby and Laurel at the pub, obviously you weren’t with them._

**_Scruffy: [Seven missed calls]_ **

Chas’s texts have a similar tone except hers just mention that she should get back to the Mill – _fast_ – before her son blows an internal gasket. Liv takes the advice.

-

Gabby’s texts have left out something important, Liv recognises. Yeah, Aaron’s pissed but he looks absolutely wrecked. Raw red around the edges and his jumper sleeves past his knuckles, some of the thread already unravelled.

He pounces on her the moment she opens the door, causing her to jump. He drags her in by the sleeve with a surprisingly soft grip, a tablecloth in the same hand, he throws it to the side once she’s in. The Mill’s cold now, the two am bleakness trailing in behind her. The darkness Aaron’s demons used to thrive in.

Aaron slams the door shut. “Where have you been? It’s way past two am! And I’ve almost called the police; I _would_ have called the police if it weren’t for Laurel callin’ saying that Gabby knew you were alright!”

Liv shuffles over the couch and lays her feet right next to the stack of dirty plates and beer cans on the coffee table, a weary orb peaked at her irate brother. “Prison.” she says evenly, as if she hadn’t just dropped a massive bomb right in front of them both. Aaron ignores it.

He huffs dryly, wracking an antsy hand over his face. “Right… And me and Harriet just went for a midnight pint to talk about the church… Pull the other one Liv!”

“No, I’m being serious. I went to see Rob.” Liv says. Perhaps Aaron had imagined she’d been at some house party not y’know – hours away by herself. But she _wasn’t_ and it shatters the normal teenager image that never quite existed.

The whirring of the lights is the only thing Liv hears against the sharp intake of breath Aaron takes. “Liv.” Aaron warns, throat closing. “I don’t understand.”

Liv’s confidence deflates and she swallows, hard. Doesn’t know how to start from anywhere except for the beginning.

“Did he mention me?” Aaron questions after Liv explains the full story. She waits for Aaron to sit next to her and his hand clings onto her fingers desperately. He doesn’t sound mad just – lost. But there’s a price in being honest, Liv considers.

She cuts to the point, watches as colour returns to skin finally. “He promised he was goin’ to contact ya. Robert really misses you Aaron.”

“You shouldn’t have done this.” he says, something dangerous flashing through his eyes. Aaron’s good at that – displaying his anger when really, he’s just pushing away his relief. Shoving it deep down into the darkness.

“Why not?” she says, “Ain’t like Diane or Vic or even Chas and Paddy were gonna do it. Everyone but _us_ has moved on and I knew it was hurtin’ ya.”

“Never mind me being hurt, I’m a grown man Liv and so is he. Robert _wanted_ a divorce, he’s the one who threw everythin’ away!”

“For you!” Liv shouts. “He did it for you! So, stop being stupid and admit you’re glad. Aaron, you’ve been a disaster without him and deep down you woulda done the same if I hadn’t got there first, wouldn’t you? Because you miss your husband.”

Aaron won’t look at her after that. He’s upset and quiet, he’s unguarded. Maybe – Aaron was just tired of being left out of the loop all the time. Even so, Liv knows she’s forgiven.

See, Aaron used to be an impulsive teenager too. It’s an ugly process.

There’s a weighty pause. It scares Liv. “Do you hate me?” she questions, quietly.

Aaron snaps back into himself. He’s her Braveheart brother again; courageous and golden. He wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Never. You’re my little sister.” he sighs, “Sometimes, you’re so much like me, it terrifies me and… you’re right, I would’ve done the same, eventually. Just don’t it again.”

“Okay.” she says gently, falling into his hug. He’s warm, Aaron always runs hot like a furnace, the type of sun-heat that flowers flourish under.

It’s late, with the type of blanketed stars that stream out hope to broody skies, twinkling lightyears above. They both needed rest – Liv upstairs on her midnight blue bed and Aaron downstairs on the sofa.

That night Aaron dreams he takes Robert’s hand instead of clawing through it. Progress.

-

Hours later, into the same morning. Robert can’t sleep after seeing Liv. His nerves shot into the ether. It was like reuniting with one surreal, integral part of his heart.

His cell is never quiet, someone’s always screaming like the prison was burst into hellish flames. Or crying as if they’re mourning their own death. They probably were – if they were like him – and sentenced with life.

Robert hasn’t gotten a new cellmate after his last one got thrown into isolation for stabbing another bloke on E block.

And all he really does is think nowadays, anyways.

Think about the way Liv said Aaron _still_ loves him. Think about Aaron and how safe he made Robert feel. Think about the way his whole body smiled from the inside out at their wedding in the pub.

There are knots in his stomach, a cramping feeling, he guesses it’s at the thought of feeling Aaron again, replaying their wedding over and over. How, he wouldn’t be able to let him go this time.

He was weak.

It’s morning now and the guard he recognises as _Guard McFadden_ pounds at his door, signifying breakfast.

Robert gets up slowly, already dressed and walks past all his photos on the grimy wall, feeling nauseous. To be honest, he’s felt ill for a while. Robert assumes it’s that way for the rest of the prisoners too. Probably caused by stress, nothing else to it. He’s not someone who naps or feels constantly emotional but prison changes people, everyone says.

The guards, here, on his block don’t wait or really look at them, just shoves them out of the room and then get on with their lives. _Get to go home._ Making him want to _snap_ – all full of barbed wire and vitriol at them. But he can’t, not if one day, when everything he knows has changed, he could get out on parole on good behaviour.

Why couldn’t he be where he belonged? 

-

The pub was that pleasant level of not too loud with people milling about, homely. It feels really nice. Aaron likes it. He hasn’t had a drink in his mum’s pub for a while.

“Everything alright with Liv?” Chas probes, handing her son a pint dutifully.

Aaron takes a sip, prolonging the eventual rant that was _Chasity Dingle_ , the type of earache that made him wish he could turn his hearing on and off. “Where’s Paddy?”

“Out with Eve, a little bonding sesh for ‘em.”

“And get Paddy outta your hair?”

“Something like that.” Chas cackles, walking around the bar to ruffle his hair, “You’re so cute when you think you can distract me. So, Liv?”

“Mum –”

There’s a woosh of air surging through the room and a high-pitched feminine voice.

And then, “Chas!” Victoria yells, pushing a pram through the Woolpack’s door. “You wouldn’t mind if I went into the back to heat up one of Harry’s feeds do ya?”

“Course not, love.” Chas replies, holding a finger up to make Aaron _stay_ _there_ and she and Vic go into the backroom.

Instantly there’s a dark aura around Aaron, his mood souring. It brews a permeating jealously that’s cloying and tastes like chemicals on his lips. Usually Robert was the one who soothed that all away. He wasn’t here though. Instead, Aaron welcomes it like an old friend, feeling its angry heat pulse in his chest. And really, he doesn’t want to feel this way around Vic, around her _perfect_ baby.

But Vic had bounced back, and it was as if she had forgotten who _Robert_ even was.

 _She_ was the one who got a baby. When _she_ spent months agonising about them having their own during _her_ ordeal until Aaron bended to _her_ will. When Robert had to claw for even an increased chance, pouring endless hours into the haulage for it to not happen in the end.

When Adam had left, and _she_ could still breathe.

Aaron wasn’t granted the same mercy. Aaron walks around with a scarred heart now. Honestly, it wasn’t a very nice feeling. Thick and depressing, like – this fugue in his brain, or something.

Aaron couldn’t blame her for getting pregnant, she and Aaron shared the same trauma to a small extent. Aaron’s arguably, being much, much darker, it didn’t matter if his was worse, no one deserved the pain he carries, not that he wanted to think about – _Gordon_.

Vic got a brand-new sunny life and her presence was overpowering.

Aaron wanted to run away.

There’s this look in his mum’s eyes, when she and Vic appear back into view. Like – Aaron’s a bomb set off to explode, sooner rather than later, or close enough. Chas is obvious with it; Aaron refuses to let it make him feel guilty. Or, at least not _show_ that it does.

He’s used to it. The way Chas looks at him ever since he crashed into the village after not seeing her for years, but Aaron understands. It’s because she wants to protect him – for all the years she _didn’t_. 

Aaron just wishes she could have loved Robert that way. He thinks, Robert would’ve protected her the same way back.

“D’you want to hold him, Aaron?” Chas tries, weakly, bouncing a gurgling Harry in her arms and his attention is drawn to him. He can’t help it.

Aaron shakes his head. “Not right now, I’ve got to go.” he says, draining his pint with one succinct gulp and he settles it down hard back on the bar, shrugging his black jacket on. He glances at Vic, but she doesn’t seem bothered, if anything her shoulders relax a little. He has no time to think about it.

Runs in the Dingle blood that does, not thinking and getting drunk alone, just without all this pain.

Aaron runs away.

-

There’s a green backdrop to him and translucent light beating down on the right side of his face, it stretches impressively across the village. Aaron’s sitting on one of the wobbly tables outside the café.

It’s foolish to think he could avoid his mother in a village so small. His mum was a bloodhound, with a very, very long reach. She looks unhappy.

Aaron has a harshness to him when she sits across the table in her long fluffy coat – its colour like the ashes his cigarettes used to make when he smoked. It’s still an occasional habit when he’s stressed and Paddy’s not around.

There’s an edge to Chas too, he observes.

“All right?” Aaron greets, popping an earbud out.

Chas glares dark, her eyes black like ink. “Would be if you stopped sulking.”

“M’not.” he says.

Chas sighs and nudges at his foot. “Tell me what’s wrong son.”

“Nothing.”

“Aaron.” his mother whines.

Here’s the thing: Aaron loves his mum. He adores her. She just drives him so crazy that he’s always left with two options. Flee the country or spill his guts. Aaron has done both and he’s never really sure which he prefers in the end.

“Fine. If you really want to know… Seein’ Harry just reminds me that you all want me to move on from what’s happened, and I can’t help but think of what I could’ve had with Robert.”

“Oh love, he’s gone though. For good. You have to move on, think about the rest of us you have.”

“What if he isn’t.” Aaron murmurs.

Chas blinks. “What?”

“Liv got through to him.” he says slowly, “That was what I should’ve told you. She got some guard to convince Rob to see her I think, and Robert promised to get into contact again. So, go on. Tell me what a bad idea it is for me to get involved with my husband again. Because nothin’ you or anyone else can say will change my mind. I love him mum and I need to know if he’s okay.”

“He will be. He’s tough our Robert.” she says, just like that.

“You’re… You’re not mad?” Aaron says shocked, clings onto the use of _our_ _Robert_.

Chas’s lips downturn. “Aaron, I learnt a long time ago that the love you have with Robert is special. I don’t like the idea of you surroundin’ fourteen years of ya life around those little moments with him in prison… but I want you happy son. And he’s family, I do care about him… Just be careful.”

“He won’t hurt me, not intentionally anyways.”

“Robert better not, for his own good.” Chas grips his hand and lets out a slight smile when Aaron squeezes back.

“I miss him so much mum.”

“I know love.” she replies, getting up to kiss his forehead tenderly, “Let him know we’re all thinkin’ about him, when he does get in contact.”

“I will.” Aaron promises, still a bit lost at the person who’s taken over his mother’s body. Or maybe, Aaron had underestimated her inherent love for him.

-

About two weeks later is when Aaron receives a letter from _the_ prison. A visiting order. Addressed just for him. And he swiftly stamps down on the utter joy bubbling in his chest. It’s that feeling when you order something online and when it arrives there’s a moment where your brain injects just the right amount of serotonin that fades away too quickly and makes you miss it.

Except Aaron’s been happy all morning.

Liv giggles at his goofy smile. “Sorry to burst your bubble but we’re out of milk.” she says, shaking an empty milk carton in front of his face. The fridge has been pretty bare these months. Robert used to do the food shop.

“Your legs work, don’t they?” he quips, not wanting to get up from his comfortable position on the sofa.

“M’not dressed.” Liv’s right, she’s dressed in a star printed robe with a blue velvet trim and hood and baggy grey pyjamas underneath with a rainbow stitched over the breastbone.

“I’m not the one who needs milk.”

“Please Aaron.” Liv pouts and makes her eyes widen at Aaron’s pointed look.

Aaron acquiesces, getting up. “Fine. You owe me.”

Liv cheers. “You’re the best!” she says then promptly takes over where he was sat.

Resisting the urge to twitch his eye he sighs and grabs his mud-soaked trainers, lacing them up. Having a sister is annoying but he wouldn’t trade Liv for anything.

The main street was empty enough for Aaron to take his time getting to _David’s_.

Aaron picks up a basket and throws in the milk Liv requested and a couple of other bits and bobs. His hand automatically reaches for a packet of sour sweets that he knows are Robert’s favourites and his arm falls limply at his side. He curls his nails into his palm and digs deep for a beat before going to the till.

David looks up from his phone and produces a broad smile, which Aaron grumpily doesn’t return. The man starts to ring up his items when he speaks.

“You alright mate?”

David’s doesn’t falter at Aaron’s non-committal grunt and rings up the last of his items. “Are you coming to the christening?”

“You what.”

“The one for your sister, Theo and Harry. Erm, did your mum not bring it up yet? Vic’s set the whole thing up, she’s pretty excited.” David laughs awkwardly.

Aaron kind of resents him in this moment and how his face brightens further at the prospect of Aaron coming, when the week before he was still looking at Aaron with pity. “No, she didn’t.”

“Ah right, well think about it. No pressure.”

Aaron forces a smile and then he leaves, shopping bags tight in his grip.

He’s only out the door for a split second before he bumps into someone who steadies him, the letter folded in his pocket for comfort falling out.

“This from the prison?” Luke asks, picking it up and scanning over it. He’s dressed picture-perfect as usual and Aaron’s sick of the sight of him.

Aaron snatches the letter back, struggling to put it into his pocket with two full shopping bags in his hands.

“Here let me help you with that.”

Aaron bats him away, seething. “When are you goin’ to get it? I don’t want you near me, I don’t want you or your psycho mother in this village. Go away.” he barks at him, ready to bite chunks out of him, how dare he just act as if they were friends?

Luke looks hurt. “Aaron. We’ve all been damaged by what’s happened, I just want to move on and so does my mum and Victoria.”

Aaron snorts bitterly. “With _Vic_ , the girl your brother raped. A bit twisted innit, yet you two walk around like bleedin’ Romeo and Juliet.”

“None of what my brother did is my fault! Vic can make her own decisions, the same as Robert did when he killed my brother.”

Aaron snarls, wanting to tear him apart for even saying Robert’s _name_. “You know _nothin’_ about him. He was worth millions of your lot.”

“Worth more than what you’re doing to Victoria? She has to move on, she’s a mother now!”

“Shut your trap! Where is she huh? Vic hasn’t even asked about her brother ever since she got that letter and she’s not the one I’m lookin’ at now.” he yells, body tensing for a fight.

Luke shifts uncomfortably. “Look, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I don’t care. Do one now.”

Surprisingly he does, with kind eyes but – there’s a smirk to his lips and Aaron can’t help but wonder if he wanted to twist the knife in about what Robert had done. Even so, it doesn’t matter anyways, Aaron will always love Robert.

He certainly didn’t mind that he killed that scum, just that he was _caught_.

-

The day when Robert’s going to see Aaron again. Robert bleeds.

Robert screams for help until his voice goes hoarse. It’s a fucking terrible situation to be in and more than ever Robert wishes he wasn’t in this place.

There was this guy. Robert can’t really remember his name. It didn’t stick. He thinks it could’ve been _Craig_ or _Cody_ or _Cole_. He was alright. An alright-ish bloke to know.

He had copper hair and a lopsided smile that met his green eyes, reminding him of the grass at his and Aaron’s layby. One day, he started to bleed too, in the canteen and a few weeks later Robert never saw him again. Assumes he was moved to another block. It happens sometimes, no one really brings it up. That was strange.

“So, Robert.” the prison nurse starts, after he’s been whisked away to the prison’s infirmary and explains all he’s been feeling for these past four months. He may have also mentioned Aaron a couple of times, he’s not ashamed – Robert knows who he is, alright. She introduced herself as _Liz_ after looking through his file. It’s a pretty name, reminds him of Liv. Liz is too, _pretty_ that is. She has long cascading ebony hair that’s in a braid, like the one he used to do for Liv in the morning before school.

Robert’s doing alright now, the cramps and bleeding have stopped and turns out it wasn’t that much blood really, it was just – unsettling.

“Do you mind lifting your top up for me?”

“Why?” he says, on edge, bewildered.

Liz smirks and it stretches her crimson lips wide and her teeth gleam. Not a full-on smirk but enough to unnerve Robert. “Just a hunch. You’re a carrier, right?”

“Yeah but it – it wasn’t meant for me. This won’t be y’know _that_.” Robert says denial evident, and Liz frowns. Maybe she knows how badly he ached for it and then threw it all away. Robert hates himself for that. Wishes he could’ve been good.

Robert almost agrees with her request, but he spots the time. On a ticking, sterile white clock on the wall. “No, I can’t. I have to see Aaron soon. Like right now.”

“It won’t take long and I’m not comfortable with sending you back.”

“I can’t.” Robert argues. “Look, you’ve seen my file, you know where I was shot and if I was – y’know… I would _know_.” Robert just would okay, innately, because it would’ve been _Aaron’s_ child. His mind’s trying to piece everything together, but Robert refuses to let it. Not when Aaron was waiting for him.

“Robert. I can’t force you into anything, but if you are getting symptoms. I’m here and I advise you to come see me immediately. It’s okay to not be ready but don’t take too long. It won’t be good for you.” Liz commands calmly and lets him go.

She has to be wrong and he promptly wants to change his trousers and forget about this whole experience.

So, he does.

-

Aaron’s got two silver rings back on his finger, his and Robert’s. Robert doesn’t have to know he fished them out of their cluttered draw, where they lived after he took them off.

His leg keeps jerking up and down. Robert’s late. It’s been four mouths and Robert’s late. Aaron’s chest tightens, did Robert change his mind?

Then –

there he is.

The colour’s drained from his face and Robert’s hands are shaking a little. That’s not like him, he’s off in a way Aaron doesn’t recognise.

Still, his breath catches in that unrestrained place of emotion. Robert’s still _his_ Robert. And Aaron feels – alive.

Robert sits across from him and they’ve done this before, in different variations. Aaron can’t help it and he cries and cries. Robert looks overwhelmed.

“Hi.” Robert says hesitantly, when Aaron wipes his last tear away. Aaron doesn’t know whether to hug or punch him.

“Robert.” Aaron whispers, a prayer or a curse, maybe both. “What the actual fuck?”

Robert’s face slackens in shock and Aaron relishes the expression.

“I’m an idiot, you knew this when you married me.” Robert deflects, staring down.

“Exactly! Married Rob… we’re married, how could you leave me on my own?” Robert starts to open his mouth, but Aaron has more to say, “You knew it would kill me. Never mind your solicitor sending me _that_ letter. A divorce… Was it that easy to forget me?” Aaron yells as loud as he can without anyone else in the room hearing their conversation. It doesn’t quite work.

“No! it’s not like that, if I had a choice; I wouldn’t give you up. Ever. But what sort of life would this be. I couldn’t subject you to this. Your future is still out there, I’d be taking it away.”

“What, you think you can choose for me what my life is, why do you always have to control everythin’!”

“Aaron, I’m trying to do what’s best for you.”

Aaron breathes hard. “Not what’s best for _us_ , though.”

Robert clenches his jaw, tries not to feel betrayed. “I’m sorry. Aaron I’m so sorry.” He sounds small, bracing himself for Aaron’s reaction. “Being stuck in here is my punishment, not yours. We can’t change that. Lee’s _dead_.”

“I don’t care.” Aaron returns stubbornly.

Robert bristles, Aaron wants to soothe it. He places his hand over Robert’s who recoils.

“I’m not your enemy.” Aaron says quietly.

“I know.” Robert hisses, harsh against the air, then he softens his eyes, “You’re anything but. Aaron you’re my hero.” Robert’s always thought of him as one, the way Aaron was just so _good_. He was Robert’s disgruntled hero who happened to be the strongest person on the planet. You’d have to be mad to stop loving Aaron, Robert thinks incredulously.

Aaron ducks his head, suddenly insecure.

“You are.” Robert reaffirms. “You made me better... A good man.”

“So, let me be ‘ere for ya.”

Robert sighs. “Everyone knows prison means you have to be tough. At first, I couldn’t – you couldn’t be with me in _here_. I’d be weak.”

Aaron’s not sure if he means prison, or the heart Robert’s covering with his palm. “And now?” Aaron asks. Cautious.

“I love ya.” Robert tells him simply, “I dream about you even when I’m awake. Just holding you.” Robert sounds sad and it pulls Aaron’s heart to his. “Wanted to be brave for ya.”

Aaron shakes his head. “Not for me you don’t. You never have to be, Robert you mean everythin’ to me, I’d do anything for you. It’s not a burden.”

“I get that now.” Robert’s wide eyed, he’s seeing Aaron clearer for the first time, finally.

“So, you’ll let me see you again?”

Robert’s selfish, he’s always known that ever since his father backhanded him and burned the word into his skin. It’s taken Liv to bash their heads together to get here and really, he could never let Aaron go, never ever. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

-

Robert pours all his strengths into walking out of that room and almost reaches his cell before he has a dizzy spell. He wants to tell himself it’s because he hasn’t drunk water today but it’s a lie. A guard glares at him and Robert pushes himself off the steadying wall into the opposite direction. Robert gives up the ghost.

Liz greets him knowingly when he silently walks in, his stomach sinking lower into new depths. Robert doesn’t want to do this alone.

But he does.

Robert finds out what he already knew.

He’s _pregnant_ and he’s in _prison_.

The joy all that time ago when he told Aaron he wanted a baby feels wrong now. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

One bed on the run had changed everything.

Robert is aware of his strengths. His ability to manipulate and shapeshift. The way he drags people under with him.

It isn’t what he wants for his child. Not for the eighteen months without Aaron they’d have before he would be forced to give them up. Robert doesn’t want them to resent him either. For being in here, for being a _liar_.

Terrified doesn’t even describe how he feels.

Robert turns his body to the side, smooths down his jumper. There’s a slight _curve_ he’s not noticed that he’s now seeing vividly. It’s – adorable, really. Overwhelming. Robert can’t touch it. He collapses down onto the bottom bunk, presses his nose against the mattress. His head feels skewered and his mouth is cottony.

Robert wants to hate what he feels. It’s weird, but a good weird, like the impulse to thrust your hand into fire. Nothing feels remotely real about this. As if an old pipe dream has burst into life and drowned him.

Robert doesn’t know what to do.

If he keeps it, what if he loses the baby? Regardless what block you’re on, prison’s a dangerous pit, ready to envelop the spineless and Robert’s older now. Tired.

Robert imagines a small wriggling bundle with bright blue eyes and brunette ringlets. A river of love in the form of a baby. _Tangible_. He also imagines Aaron’s face when he told him he wanted a family and how Aaron’s hand settled into his with purpose.

Robert doesn’t know what to do –

but he trusts Aaron.

-

A massive riot erupts, and the prison goes into lockdown for two weeks.

Liv’s out cheering up Noah. Vanessa has cancer, she’s dying and in a strange way Liv knows the feeling of loss. Through Gordon, through Sandra and – Robert. Except, he’s back kinda, or close enough.

Now though, Aaron’s been left on a hook, waiting for the next chance he’ll get to see Robert. Like he’s been unscrewed, and his batteries have been taken out.

The post falls through the door and when Aaron opens the door to collect it, there’s only a letter. Mirroring the visiting order with the same stamp in the corner.

Aaron quickly rips the letter open and inside is Robert’s familiar naff scrawl. Aaron recognises it’s Robert’s by the way he loops each word big and bold, like Robert himself – entrancing. There’s a scribbled-out sentence and underneath it’s reborn and crammed in. Aaron can’t tear his eyes away from the sentence:

_Aaron, we’ve done the impossible._

Aaron instantly understands what it means, and he’s struck by lightning _._ Wants to yell it from the rooftops but Robert wouldn’t want that, and even in written words Robert’s tone is distant. Unhappy maybe? Aaron’s not sure.

Robert’s right. Aaron needs to see him.

-

Prison’s not a second home, yet Aaron’s here again. He’s directly looking into his husband, vision clouded up. He has Robert’s letter in his hold, longing suffocating the air. Robert’s touch is heavy on the back of his palm. The odds are unbelievable.

“Really? We’re having a baby?”

“Yeah.” Robert says, voice thick. More bittersweet than miserable, Aaron sees.

“Oh God.” Aaron responds blissfully and then it turns horrified. “Oh _God_.” Obviously, that’s when he remembers that – in the throes of his joy – his pregnant husband is in prison for _murder_. Robert Sugden Dingle who’s venomous and so, so _kind_. Robert Sugden who’s finally eaten more than he can chew. And Aaron can’t swap their places.

Robert looks scared now, Aaron jumps to clarify it. “I have to get you out of here. You’re _pregnant_.” Billy, maybe, though he said no and told Paddy last time, Paddy who trapped him in his own home. So, _no_ _not Billy_. But someone who owes him or wants Aaron to leave them alone. Luke?

Robert’s eyes say _yes, yes, yes_ but his mouth differs. “No, I can’t, I made my choice when I – I… killed someone and put myself in here.”

Aaron furrows his brow, Robert never faltered before when speaking about Lee’s death, maybe the guilt has finally sunk in now, but his words sound familiar. An input-outputted script. His mind flashes back to Luke’s smirk and Vic’s large bump that she constantly had a hand rested on, the way she untensed whenever he disappeared from her orbit.

“You sound unsure.”

Robert averts his gaze and that’s the clearest of tells. “I killed him Aaron…”

Aaron’s thrown, gripping the table so hard it could splinter in half. “You’re not foolin’ me mate.”

“Aaron –”

“No! Tell me the truth, _now_. You didn’t kill Lee, did you?”

“I’m guilty, Aaron. Let this go, don’t delude yourself.” Robert snarls and he sounds so cold now, a wall that he’s placed betwixt them, and Aaron has to break it down with his words alone.

Robert’s words were weapons – he knew how to use them to cut Aaron deep. Aaron wasn’t like that, his blades were only used to cut himself open, he could never use them on Robert. In the end, his words always paled in comparison.

“Was it Luke?” Aaron blurts out, rage in every second the words are on his tongue.

Robert lips twist in confusion. “Luke… Lee’s brother? No, it wasn’t him.”

“And it wasn’t you.” Aaron determines astutely, knowing Robert’s body language better than any language in the world. Everything he knows is crumbling around him, it doesn’t make any sense why would Robert throw himself in prison for something he didn’t do? Robert’s telling the truth it couldn’t be Luke, the man who makes Vic happy – oh. “Robert don’t tell me – _Vic_?”

Robert’s face changes, turns blank and mulish, and he shushes Aaron acidly. “No. Aaron, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Here’s what I think happened. She was the only one out there with you, but Vic said she didn’t see who threw the first punch. Vic lied though, because you punched him. Then he attacked you back and she hit him over the head when he started mouthin’ off. Vic was scared, so you stepped in. Am I right? Tell me the truth, Rob please.”

“I can’t.”

Aaron breaks their interlocked gaze, he’s sick of this and he throws his last card. “Baby please. Can’t you see by now? Rob, you can tell me anythin’.”

Robert’s throat visibly constricts at the pet name, the one he’d never admit he loved, he did love it – it made him feel safe, worthy. It’s unspoken. He looks around, checking that none of the guards are looking when he lowers his voice. “She – It was an accident. I had to protect her Aaron, she’s my family.”

“And me and Liv aren’t?” Aaron’s still processing the bombshell that has just been dropped. “You were never going to tell me, were you… That’s why you really cut us off. I’m your husband, you put me and Liv through hell and for what, a shiny life in prison? Have you lost your damn mind?”

“Vic needed me; she was pregnant, Aaron…” Robert argues weakly.

“Robert, she isn’t pregnant anymore, you _are_ and with my baby.” Aaron counters, “I can help ya now, get you out of here if we tell the truth or else, we’re done. This is the shit you pull, and it _kills_ us. We’re all left in the fall out and I can’t – it makes me ill, Rob.”

“Aaron… I’m sorry.”

“If you’re sorry then you’ll tell the truth. Or I can.”

“Don’t. Please Aaron.” Robert’s voice cracks, a broken small little thing of a noise. Petrifying. Aaron wants to keep him safe in his arms, no matter how angry is at another lie, loving Robert well, that doesn’t seem to change. Aaron curls into himself – distressed, he wants to tear his heart out, scratch at his skin until his nerves are numb.

“Why is it us that life fuckin’ always tramples on.” he groans, adding unintentional levity to this shitty situation.

Robert plasters on a grin, it doesn’t break out his face in happiness it’s – just there, a fake comforting symbol. “Our past lives an’ all that.”

“Doesn’t stop Vic gettin’ everything at your expense, a whole new family and she doesn’t even ask about ya. I know I’m being petty or summat, but I hate this so much.”

“She doesn’t?” Robert asks, hurt, and it’s heart-breaking.

“She’s put herself first, Rob.” Aaron tells him softly, “That doesn’t matter. I want you and this baby and for us to be together at home, in the Mill. To have the parents we didn’t, we’d do alright I think.”

“You’d be great.” Robert says and he looks so in love with the idea of Aaron and their baby he’s beaming visibly from the inside – light and powerful.

Aaron notices that he’s left himself out, wishes his husband sees himself the way he does, regardless of this whole stupid mess around them. “And you.” he reaffirms, solid and sure.

“Not from inside a cell. I can’t even think about havin’ a baby in here.”

“Then don’t. We’ve got this, me and you.”

Robert burrows his afraid expression into his arms. Aaron’s staring into the face of breaking point.

Aaron’s foot interlocks with Robert’s and he has to remind himself he’s in a visiting room and time is fizzling out. “M’not trying to push you, I just want you to put yourself first.”

Robert snorts mockingly. “It’s what I’ve always done.”

“Just not when it counts ey?” Aaron retorts kindly.

Robert frowns, tone icing up. “What does that mean?”

Aaron snaps up at the tone, he clears his throat. “Nothin’. Just… this isn’t exactly putting our baby first is it? I think that is what’s stopping you, choosin’ between Vic or our baby.”

Robert flinches and fixes a glare at him, mouth curling into a sneer. “Don’t okay… Don’t even pretend you know what I’m feeling.”

“Rob I’m sorry I just – I don’t understand.”

“Even if she doesn’t care or if I never see her again, she’s still my sister, you’d do the same for Liv. This baby doesn’t change that. I know whatever happens the baby will have you but who does Vic have?”

“She has Luke and Wendy! And Diane and all her friends. Me even. You’re the one who’s losin’ out why can’t you see that!”

It’s like Robert’s been physically impaled unable to defend again himself in face of the truth he breathes in angrily. “Don’t.”

“Robert please –”

Robert launches himself up, and it steals Aaron’s voice away.

“Don’t push me!” Robert yells, and he’s hurt. He’s broken and he’s sparking out his pain swallowing them whole, it’s lightning and rageful stars all in one and Aaron feels his throat dry up in guilt. Robert’s storming away before Aaron can stop him.

Aaron won’t do it; he won’t set himself alight to make Robert feel warm in his lies. They’d be doing it wrong then.

-

Robert’s breathing in heavily and trying to keep the tears at bay, Aaron just made it all worse. _Fuck_.

Robert needs to tell talk to someone; can’t deal with this maelstrom he’s feeling on his own. Aaron’s right, he’s different to Vic – Robert doesn’t have a Diane or a Jack, when Jack was alive. Aaron has a Chas and Paddy and a whole coven of potent Dingles. And Robert’s a part of Aaron.

He feels he can take his chances with Chas; she’ll tell it to him straight.

Robert waits until after he guesses Chas has found out about it all. The phones are deserted for once at six pm because of an annual football match between block A and D. He’s topped up his account and he dials Chas’s number quickly, the skin of his hands white with fear. Robert hopes she recognises the number from when he called last time.

God, he’s stressed.

The phone rings out for three beeps before someone picks up. “Robert is that you?”

“Yeah it’s me.” he responds, voice strained.

There are little sketches etched on the machine in confiscated pen ink and they remind him of the one’s on the Woolpack’s tables. Another place he misses.

“Oh love, are you alright?” Chas sounds suspiciously maternally and as if she genuinely cares and it throws Robert off kilter, he presumed she’d be glad to see the back of him.

“Yeah, how’s Aaron and Liv?”

Chas sighs. “Liv’s alright but Aaron’s mentioned some things. We’re worried about you sweetheart.”

Robert whimpers quietly, turning his back to the weathered wall and closes his eyes. If he tries hard enough, he can pretend he’s in the back room. Robert clings to the comfort.

“Rob?” Chas says softly at the sound, “D’you need me to come see you?”

Chas has Eve to take care of and a pub, he thinks she really would make the time to see him, but he can’t let her. Doesn’t deserve it. “No. I just need – I… Chas, I don’t know what to do. I’ve messed up again, I lied and I’m so sorry.”

Chas shushes him. “Aaron hasn’t explained everything yet, but I can see he’s angry and upset but he doesn’t blame you. None of what’s happened is your fault. It’s going to be okay.”

Robert wipes his hand over his face tiredly before resting it on the curve of his belly for comfort. “What do I do Chas?”

“You let us help you. Aaron will get you out and as for Vic…”

“It’s not her fault.”

Chas snorts in disbelief. “She’s been lyin’ to us all, Rob.”

“So have I.” he reminds her calmly.

“Not to our faces.” she growls, “I’m not allowin’ you to take the blame. Anyways, you’re carrying my first grandbaby I think you’ll find you’re forgiven.”

Robert doesn’t deserve this; he doesn’t deserve her kindness. “Chas…” Robert trails off, voice thick.

“Come home, love.” Chas whispers, like she loves him despite all his bad parts and she’s the bravest woman Robert’s ever known.

-

Diane’s leaving Vic’s and her front door falls on its rickety latch, Aaron speeds up against the cobbles to get to it.

“Vic?” he calls out.

“Come in!”

When he walks in, she’s on the couch folding up dozens of Harry’s baby grows. “Oh, hey Aaron.”

Aaron freezes and peers down at her. He thought she was his friend and bitter tears fill in his eyes. Doesn’t know how to explain this vile feeling when he sees her against the garish green wallpaper, smiling like nothing is wrong. “Whose idea was it?”

Victoria’s head snaps up and her body stills.

“Whose idea was it to pretend _my_ husband killed Lee.”

Vic’s desperation is cut off and her teeth clenches. “Aaron – “

“Tell me.”

“His.”

Aaron shakes his head, pissed. “And you just let him? Why am I surprised, I don’t even recognise you anymore.”

“Aaron, you don’t understand, he was the one who said it was for the best. You know him better than anyone, you know he wanted to do this.” Vic says.

“You’re right I do know him, I love him. So, do you, or at least I thought you did. He probably thought you were worth it compared to himself, that after everythin’ he deserved this. Except he doesn’t, Robert always thinks the worst of himself and we haven’t done a damn thing to disprove that. Not when it counted, I’m not gonna fail him again. Robert’s suffered enough, and you just left him to rot. You played us all!”

“You’re not listening Aaron he was okay with this! It was his decision.”

“Like he was okay with givin’ up the idea of us havin’ a baby you mean?”

Victoria’s eyes darkened and she clenches her fists, tired of the interrogation. “It’s not as if Robert can even have one in the first place, remember? Not with his dodgy wiring!” she lashes out.

It slaps Aaron in the face. How could she say that? How did he never see her resentment before? “That’s where you’re wrong.” he mutters triumphantly, revelling in the spike of jealousy in his ex-friend’s eyes. “You have Luke and Harry and you’re lyin’ to ‘em both but did you ever think about me and Rob’s family? Liv? My mum? Must have annoyed ya that we didn’t move on so quick, ey?”

Vic didn’t say anything, her eyes staring down at the mention of Harry and Luke.

“Luke knows doesn’t he. Oh my God Vic, you two are perfect for each other.” he scoffs. “Vic… No one escapes the truth forever.”

“Are you going to tell the police?” Vic asks, voice sounding horrified and it’s not even close to the pain he or Robert have felt over all this.

He moves closer and silently, his voice low as he speaks. “No.” Aaron replies, seeing Vic’s face collapse in relief. “You are.”

Vic swallows hard and whines. Back to being that naïve and bitter teen from way back when. “I can’t – Harry needs me. Rob will be fine.”

“He won’t be fine, he’s _not_ fine. Don’t say that!” Aaron growls, rage seething in his bones. A brave man protecting his pack. “The whole village is gonna know eventually and I’d hate to be you then. I think Liv’s still got her fruit and veg throwing skills tucked away.”

Vic finally snaps. She’s sharp and brittle. “There’s no evidence. Robert’s prints are on that shovel, not mine, he made sure of that.”

Aaron groans at his husband’s forethought, usually he loves him for that but not when he uses it to hurt himself. He’s prepared for this though. “Y’know there’s a camera outside the Mill right, the police never asked for the footage since Robert admitted to the grievous bodily harm charge.”

“Robert helped cover it up, he’ll still be inside! I’ll just be in prison too.”

Aaron remains firm. “He’s already lost months he ain’t gettin’ back – throw in a proper lawyer and your get out of free card of bein’ pregnant and I think we’ll be okay. Robert’s good at talkin’ his way out of things, we both know that.”

Vic’s left dumbstruck, mouth gaping open at Aaron’s words. Her brows knitted together, and tears tumbled down her eyelashes, smearing mascara the colour of volcanic rock like rivers down her cheeks.

Aaron shakes his head again, this time in resignation. “The girl I used to know; the girl who married my best mate may have done the same but at least you would’ve shown guilt about what you’ve done. Vic, you were always the first to point out when any of us did anythin’ wrong and didn’t own up to it, so many times it was almost irritatin’. What changed?”

“I don’t know, Aaron. Believe me I don’t. I want to fix things between us.” she whispers brokenly.

“Then prove it.” he says, with a sureness that has come out of nowhere. “For once don’t put yourself or Jack or even Diane before Robert. Just do the right thing and put my innocent husband first.”

-

It takes a while, but it happens, the nightmare ends. Now, the world’s an octane balloon that’s burst glitter and brilliance all over. And It’s the best emotion Robert will ever know.

Robert’s breathing the outside air again and it’s like the sun has reached out a bit, places a golden hand between his shoulder blades and gently pushes him forward –

to Aaron.

Who’s stood on the other side of the street and is coming closer, in fast massive strides and he looks so beautiful. He sweeps up Robert in his strong arms and Robert stumbles a little, but he’s caught.

“I’ve got ya.” Aaron says, voice wet. He lets Robert snugly places his head over his shoulder and Aaron softly cards his fingers through his fair hair and holds him, lets Robert soak up his embrace. 

There are overwhelmed tears in both their eyes as Robert pulls back to kiss him, lips melting as he pours all the heartache and desire into Aaron’s. Tasting coffee and home on Aaron’s lips and Robert doesn’t ever want to forget it again. It feels like true love and it builds up all of Robert’s broken walls.

“I love you.” he says like a secret between two little lost boys at night. His forehead rests against Aaron’s. “Truly.”

Aaron grins big and bright. “I love you so much.” Aaron pulls away and grabs Robert’s right hand, sliding Robert’s ring from his finger and back onto his husband’s. “Everything’s perfect now.” He presses a kiss to Robert’s hairline and steps back slightly to caress his cheek, his hands then falling to caress the small mound underneath Robert’s white shirt lovingly.

“I can’t believe it me and you, we’re going to be proper dads.” Aaron expresses delighted.

“Finally.” Robert whispers back, a happy laugh flies out from his throat and Aaron’s never going to love anyone as much as he loves Robert in this moment, it’s unshakeable. No one else could ever compare.

Time to go home. For good.

**Author's Note:**

> title from Silken’s broken/unbroken.
> 
> the idea that Robert goes to prison for something he didn’t do was delicious, even if you can’t kill a rapist really.
> 
> come chat on tumblr @robdingle


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